Shen still recalls she once received a silver cross from a relative in his family and wore it on a chain along with a jade Buddha that her grandmother gave her. Shen's mother is agnostic, but she still was very upset, fretting that wearing both would bring bad luck "since Jesus and Buddha might fight each other."
Shen ended up wearing neither.
"Qingming Festival (tomb-sweeping day usually in early April) was the really awkward situation, and I was freaked out the first time I went tomb sweeping with my family after I was converted," recalls Shen.
In Chinese tradition, Qingming Festival is the day to "visit" ancestors, who are regarded as guardian gods for the family. Relatives are supposed to light incense, burn paper offerings including money, houses and cars, kneel down and offer sacrifices like fruits, wine and other food.
It is considered a terrible offense to show disrespect to ancestors by not following the traditions.
After consulting her friends and negotiating with her family, Shen went along but didn't take part in lighting incense, burning offerings or setting out food. She just stood to the side and witnessed. She did kneel in front of the tomb with the entire family.
"It wasn't that difficult after I did it," says Shen. "I just regarded kneeling down a way to pay my respect to the deceased. Instead of praying to the guardian gods, I hoped their spirits would be happy in heaven," she recalls.
Inter-faith weddings can be awkward too, when one person is a devout Buddhist. Unofficial numbers indicate far more female Christians than males, which often leads to inter-faith marriages, like that between Protestant Stella Chen and her Buddhist husband. They married early this year.
Chen's family are devout Christians while her husband's grandparents are extremely respectful of old Chinese traditions. The two families discussed the wedding rites at length since the day Chen and her boyfriend confirmed they wanted to wed.
The two families agreed to follow the Chinese tradition and rites throughout the wedding - while adding a vow-taking as the couple stood before a minister. Then there was the usual extravagant Chinese banquet.
"It wasn't as difficult as I thought at the beginning," says Chen. "I think Chinese tend to be quite inclusive and tolerant because in its long history China has integrated culture from many places."
(Shanghai Daily December 25, 2008)
