Aqua Baggio used to think he was the only homosexual boy in the world. The desire to share his secret and seek other birds of the same feather motivated him to build his personal homepage on the Internet.
Gays can now socialize openly at places of their own choosing.
And he became Aqua Baggio. Like thousands of other homosexuals in Shanghai, the 22-year-old local youth refused to give his real name, though he was very open about his sexual orientation and sex life.
He chose a name combining his horoscope and the name of his favorite football star, Robert Baggio.
He appeared at the agreed place in a pale-green T-shirt and khaki pants. Had he not come up and introduced himself, it would have been impossible to pick him out of the crowd.
Aqua started to publish his diary on the Internet last autumn. He now receives tens of messages every day from people either trying to start a relationship with him or consulting him about problems related to their homosexuality.
Home Setup
Aqua met both his boyfriends via the Internet. He and his present boyfriend, Xiaoli, are about to celebrate their 250th-day anniversary.
Living with his aunt and uncle in a small apartment, Aqua often had to meet Xiaoli in an apartment rented by "straight" friends. "A curtain divides the sitting room into two parts," he said. "And they kindly let us use one of them." None of the other occupants of the apartment was gay.
Xiaoqi is a sophomore student in an engineering institute. Sometimes they would sleep together in Xiaoqi's bedroom at home. His mother has probably found out that their relationship was more than just being best friends but she has never talked about it.
Aqua didn't tell his parents about his relationship with another man, but he took Xiaoqi to his parents' home in Ningbo, Zhejiang Province. "I told them he was the cousin of my girlfriend, so that I should be very nice to him." But the intimacy between them was so obvious that Aqua decided not to take him back again.
Aqua wanted to play the role of husband and father, to fulfill the expectations society had of him but he was unwilling to sacrifice his real identity.
"The best choice is to marry a lesbian and have a child by artificial fertilization," he said. "My only reservation is about possible disputes over division of property when we separate, because I am sure a marriage like this will end up in divorce."
Aqua works as a web page designer. Nobody in the company but his boss, who has had the experience of living abroad, knows about his sexual orientation. "He sometimes would ask whether I was still dating my present boyfriend," he said. "He was surprised to see our relationship could last so long."
But Aqua was careful not to let his colleagues get any inkling of his secret. He only feels safe about his homosexuality among very close friends.
The most common problem Aqua faced via email or QQ messages was about gays falling in love with heterosexual guys, he said. Aqua wouldn't dare risk confessing his feelings to a man whose sexual orientation he was not sure of.
Troublesome Years
When he was in middle school, he used to hear classmates using dirty words about a student's being a gay. And an incident happened when another student was discovered conducting homosexual activities and was blackmailed.
"The girl sitting in front of the blackmailed guy cleaned her desk with ethanol every morning when she arrived in the classroom," he recalled.
Aqua kept his secret to himself for several more years.
"I dated three girls in middle school," he said. "When I lay in bed with my date, I suddenly found that I could not have sex with her."
At the time, the teenager said to himself: "Maybe it's because I haven't fully developed. Wasn't it said in the books that a man will not complete his development until he is in his 20s."
Then he suddenly realized that the images appearing in his sexual fantasies were all guys instead of girls. He felt lonely and frustrated. "I thought of what I would have to say to my future girlfriend and wife," he said. "I would have to say that I cherish you so much I can't have sex with you before we get married."
But other gay people started to knock on his door as soon as he put his frustrations on the Internet. "Some wanted to see my pictures first, and I know they just wanted a 419 (for-one-night - a one-night stand)".
Usually he wouldn't meet them, but occasionally he would give his mobile number. He doesn't answer calls, in order to cut costs, but uses it only as a messenger. He and Xiaoqi exchanged innumerable messages on the mobile before the two met face to face and fell in love.
(Shanghai Star September 20, 2002)
