Dilshad Rahman, wife of Ashfaqur Rahman, the Bangladeshi ambassador to China, leads two very different lives in Beijing in one, she is the sari-wearing wife of an official and in another, a trousers-wearing homemaker.
She tries her best to wear a sari, her national dress, whenever she attends a formal occasion. Though it takes her some 15 minutes of skilful preparation, she never gives up this habit when the occasion arises.
A sari is a piece of 6-metre-long cloth with no stitching. But in her eyes, it is one of the most beautiful dresses in the world. "It's more feminine, more elegant, and more colourful," said Dilshad.
To Dilshad, the sari is more than just an item of clothing. More importantly it is an effective way of communicating with Chinese people and at the same time promoting her homeland.
"The sari is part of my Bangladeshi culture, so when I walk with a sari on, I actually carry my culture with me," said Dilshad.
She wears her sari with pride in China and receives great admiration. "Usually the first thing people talk to me about is my dress," said Dilshad.
In a recent programme produced by a Beijing TV station, Dilshad was asked to teach the audience how to wear a sari. The programme producer later told her that the audience loved the way she presented the sari on TV, and she has developed quite a following.
She also takes part in various charitable events and has put some of her saris up for sale. Charity works both ways, she said. "When I sell my saris, I can donate money to the poor people or an orphanage, and at the same time I promote my country and get a very good response."
For Dilshad, wearing saris represents the rosy side of her life. She said that many people focus on the rosy side of their lives, but neglect the sacrifices and hard work needed on the other side. "It's not always like going to the five-star hotel, and attending the big ceremonies," she said.
But there is a downside to being an ambassador's wife, she says. "I can't live for myself. I live for other people." Dilshad said she has to support her husband to carry out his duties and at the same time do volunteer work for her country.
Dilshad gave up her own ambition in 1978 to travel with her husband around the world to different postings. "Every three years there is a great change for my family, including my two daughters, like language, friends, food and climate."
She also has to endure long-term separation from her family and friends at home. "When they are sick, you're not there; when they are happy, you are not there to share, either," she said.
To entertain many visiting officials, Dilshad has to behave herself and be mindful of not making any mistakes that might cause problems. Meanwhile she has to prepare the food.
Dilshad has cooked for the family and visiting officials for 30 years.
To begin with, she said cooking for others was a nightmare, even just for two people, because she didn't know how to cook. But within a few years she learnt how to cook for hundreds.
"When I told people that I had to cook for more than 100 guests, sometimes even 200, at least twice a year, they wouldn't believe me," said Dilshad.
Dilshad made a joke and said that in a different lifetime she might choose her life as a working woman because she thinks she is missing something important in her life.
To balance her stressful diplomatic life in Beijing, Dilshad takes every opportunity she can to take off her sari and wear trousers, and goes shopping like any other Beijing homemaker.
"For the last five years, I've felt there was less pressure on me because my children are grown up and my hard work is over," said Dilshad.
The Silk Street Market, Hongqiao and Yaxiu are her three favourite shopping haunts. She has befriended quite a few of the shopkeepers.
"They joked that they didn't allow me to bargain because I am a wife of an ambassador and supposed to be rich," said Dilshad.
Wangfujing, a downtown shopping centre in Beijing, is one of her favourite places to relax. She enjoys sipping coffee in a cafe window watching the crowds pass by.
"It's quite interesting to watch Beijing change. For the last two and a half years, I've seen great changes in Beijing," she said.
Whenever she goes to Wangfujing, Dilshad never misses the bookstore where she buys English books and when time permits she tries to catch a Chinese film at the nearby theatre. And of course street food is another must.
With only one year left before her husband retires, Dilshad said she is making the most of every moment to boost her knowledge of China.
Last Sunday she took part in the Chinese cultural competition for foreign ambassadors' wives in Beijing. "I participated in all sections of the competition like tea art, Kunqu Opera, costume and handiwork, because I consider it the best chance for me to learn more about Chinese culture," said Dilshad.
"China is such a large country, it's not enough to stay here for several years. I will come back to China even after my husband leaves his post."
(China Daily April 25, 2006)
