Having never experienced an earthquake nor having actually seen (apart from on TV) the devastation it causes, I wasn't quite sure what to expect waking up in the hotel in Chengdu that morning of May 28. In my naivete I was half expecting to see ruins, despite the event being already – almost to the day, 3 years ago.

What I was met with, after having survived the treacherous and swirling mountain route with a steep ravine directly under my window, was the thriving Shuimo Ancient Town and the friendliness of Director Wang Yue and his assistants, who greeted us by placing a long red silk scarf around our necks. Apparently I had just been welcomed with the highest honor. Wow … a humbling experience.

We received a guided tour from the director through Shuimo's Chan Shou Street, an ancient street with countless tiny shops, eateries and souvenirs. There were so many people, I soon realized this Town was very much a tourist spot – receiving between 10,000 and 20,000 visitors every day. It was blossoming! My expectation of seeing ruins flew out the window when I saw the rebuilt area. Perfectly designed to match the older part, the newer streets looked so beautiful, it honestly felt like a holiday resort. The whole Ancient Town had just opened to the public and hotels still have to be built …

After a wonderful and generous lunch I raised the question about ruins. Were there still any left? The director then proposed we drive to the Earthquake Memorial Site in Yingxiu, the epicenter of the quake.

Nothing could have prepared me for that sight. At that moment I realized the horror of an earthquake. The Xuankou Middle School Relics really were what I had expected to see, although I didn't anticipate it affecting me so much. One building was nothing more than a pile of rubble. When the director said that it used to be a dormitory where teachers slept – and at the time of the earthquake also two pregnant women, my heart just stopped. "12,000 people lived in the town, 6000 people died," our shadow Li Shen said, translating the director's words with tears in her eyes, "Basically every family has experienced loss."

Ruin of Xuankou Middle School [By Li Shen/China.org.cn]

I took many pictures, but no image could capture the feelings and emotions running through my veins and clouding the air overhead. The ride back to the hotel was passed mostly in silence, as I listened to my iPod, needing a little escape from reality.

The author is an editor with radio86.com, a Finnish media that provides news about China.